Pointless Hope
by Yazzy
Summary: Rei's engaged, and Kai knows it's pointless to hope that they could ever be together. However, does Rei really intend to go through with his marriage? Does Kai still have a chance? Yaoi, KaiRei.


Hey! Me again! Here's a little ReiKai I wrote last night, from Kai's POV.

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I watch you as you walk across the room. You are radiant. Your hair swings in a black rush- you've left it down while it dries- and I'm fighting an urge to run over to you and bury my face and hands in the smooth, silky softness of it. It reflects tiny shimmers of light out as you turn, laughing at something Tyson says.

Your laugh is like the sunshine that warms the earth; it is the shine that warms my soul. It is like delicate music, flowing from between your beautiful, full lips. You use your lips again, looking at me. "You want a drink or anything, Kai?" I shake my head, my gaze lingering on your perfect face before you turn away.

I love your eyes most of all- they're like molten gold, liquid and perfect, always smiling, or when you're asleep, hidden by delicate eyelids and long, slightly curved lashes. As you walk, your hips sway from side to side. I'm scared to realize how much I would give to be able to stand there and hold you, my hands resting on those perfect, almost feminine hips.

I dream of being able to hold you, of being able to wrap my arms around your waist and pull you close to me. I dream of having your skin next to mine, your warm hands against my cold ones, tan against white, smooth against rough. But they are only dreams, and you will never know of them. They are just worthless dreams that I know I should just stop thinking about- you're engaged, to a woman...you don't want me, even if I wasn't a man you wouldn't want me. I know it's pointless to even hope...

But still I can watch you as you walk into the kitchen, a sliver of you showing through the partially closed door. You bend over to get something out of a cupboard and my breathing hitches up a notch. I know it's disgusting to think such things, but sometimes I dream of us being...together. Those dreams are...wrong, I know, but sometimes they're the best ones of all. Because in my dreams you tell me you love me.

You come back out and press a mug of coffee into my hands with a smile. "I made you one anyway." You sit down next to me on the sofa...is it deliberate, when you place a hand on my thigh? I look down and see your perfect hand, squeezing my leg ever so gently, and give a tiny sigh. You may not know it but that simple touch is pushing me over the edge of reason.

I take a sip of coffee, glad of the bitter taste. It pulls me back into reality, the reality where you aren't gay and I can never have you. I feel a sharp pain in my chest and wince. Luckily, no-one notices, except...

"Are you okay, Kai?"

"I'm fine." I snap. How could I snap at you? I'm a monster-

"Kai...are you sure?"

"Yes." Your hand suddenly tightens and I gasp, trying to ignore the wonderful sensations the touch triggers in me. The hand slips in between my legs and I have to bite down on my hand to stop myself from crying out. "Rei...what-?" You touch a finger to your lips and wink. You let go of my leg and yawn, blinking sleepily and yawning again. Tyson looks at you briefly then back at the TV. You smile slightly. "I'm going to bed, guys, I'm exhausted. Wake me up in the morning, yeah?"

You stand up and walk to the door then beckon. I frown. What are you trying to convey to me? You mime a yawn and I understand. I give a stifled yawn. "I'm going up as well. Training starts at seven, don't be up late." Keeping up the team leader attitude even though inside I'm a knot of anxiety. Why do you want me to follow you? My heart starts to hammer. Are you going to ask me to be at your wedding? To be your best man? That would kill me. I'd never be able to do it.

I follow you silently up the stairs, eyes fixed firmly on your beautiful backside, encased in delicate cotton and moving as you walk. I want to reach out and squeeze it, to feel it in my hands, to drop them lower, and-

You nod, indicating that you want me to come into your room. I oblige, folding my arms to stop myself reaching out for you. "Kai...I need your help. I..." You blush. "I don't want to marry Mariah."

"Why?" I thought you were in love with her. You insisted you were. That was why I never dared to hope...

"I'm...in love with someone else..." You bow your head, ashamed. I don't mind. As long as it's someone worthy of you I can be happy. I never did like that pink fuzzball anyway... "Who is it that you love, then?"

"...You." I raise an eyebrow. Did I hear correctly? Surely not. He must have said 'Jude', or 'Sue'. I'm just wishing, just dreaming.

"Sorry?"

"I...love...you, Kai. I-I understand that it's something that could never happen, but I can't go through with marrying Mariah...not...when I feel like this. I..." You raise your head, blush ever more furious. "I'm sorry about touching you earlier. I'm...sorry to embarrass you like this..."

"I think I must be mis-hearing you, Rei. Did you say...you loved -me-?" I know I'm just wishing, but I have to be sure it's not real...

"I...I did. I'm sorry, Kai, I know you don't feel that way, that you don't like men, but I just wanted you, of all people, to understand the reason behind me cancelling the wedding. It's...right that you know."

"Come here." You look apprehensive, but that soon changes to shock as I grab you roughly around the waist. "I love you too."

"Kai...please don't play with me...not when I'm feeling this way..."

"Have you ever known me 'play'? You were engaged, Rei. Was I supposed to believe that I had a chance with you?"

"You mean you-?" You swallow and gaze into my eyes, hopeful. "You...like me too? Like that?" I nod, and you gasp with happiness. I pull you closer, feeling you pressed against me. My hands move lower and grasp your backside, then move up to your shoulders, leaning over and kissing you deeply. I pull away, panting. "Pinch me, I think I'm dreaming..."

Your fingers dip under my waistband and nip my backside playfully, but the feeling of having your hand inside my boxers is just too much. "Rei..." Another kiss, more intense, as we fumble each other's clothes away, flinging them away in a frenzy and collapsing onto the bed, rubbing skin against skin, joining lips, exploring with hands...

"Rei...you don't know how long I've dreamed of this...of you and me..."

"Me too..." Your voice is barely a whisper as we kiss again, a furious, passionate kiss that leaves both of us reeling. "I want this so badly..."

"I want you so much..."

And then there is a knock. We freeze. "Y-Yeah?" There's your voice, low and husky with passion.

"Rei...have you seen Kai? He's not in his room and I want to talk to him..." Oh God...no, you can't tell him I'm here-

"He's in here with me."

"Oh...um..." Tyson clears his throat, sussing out the reason why I'm here and not in my own room. "Doesn't matter." His footsteps die away and I grab you, pinning you beneath me, smirking. My fingers dance across your lips and up into your hair as your own fingers tangle in mine. It feels perfect. "Rei...I want to just lie with you tonight. Is that okay? I don't want...to cheapen something so perfect. I just want to be with you tonight."

"No, it's okay. As long as you hold me...as long as you promise that you'll help me...I don't think cancelling weddings is all that easy..."

"I'll be here for you."

"That's all I want from you, because it's all that I can give." There is a short silence while you settle yourself in my arms.

"Goodnight Kai."

"Goodnight Rei."

fin.

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Well, another oneshot done and dusted. R&R please! I always appreciate it! 


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